Growth Mindset and a Man Named Earl

I’ve been reading Carol Dwyer’s Mindset: the New Psychology of Success on the recommendation of Sonia Simone at Remarkable Communication.

This book contains a great comparison of folks that have a “fixed mindset,” where we are born with a fixed amount of intelligence (success, skill, etc) and there is no chance of improving this, and those who have a growth mindset, where we can always be learning more, improving our intelligence/success/skill.

I know I want to have the growth mindset

But first, let’s talk about Earl. I met him on a day that is forever engraved in my mind, the day my life changed forever.

August first, 2006. The day had been hot, really hot. One hundred and three degrees in the shade. Humidity, ninety three percent. Kind of like trying to breathe in a swimming pool.

I had been working as a landscape contractor installing a large deck for my client. That particular day I had spent all my time staining this deck a lovely barn red. By the end of the day I had red stain in my hair, red smudges and drips on my face, my arms and my legs. I was rushing because it was Friday and I was looking forward to a weekend of birding, exploring wild places, and enjoying the great outdoors.

At the end of the day, my hair was soaking wet, my shirt was soaking wet, and I eagerly removed my wet, sweat soaked bra for my ride home. I mean, I was in my truck, just driving home. Who was going to see me? Might as well be as comfortable as possible, right?

When the Unexpected Happens

So here I am, stuck in rush hour traffic, stopped at a red light and listening to a fascinating story on NPR. The air conditioner is blasting, and the cool air feels really good after having worked outside in the heat all day.

I am really enjoying the safe, cool cocoon of my own little world in the cab of my pickup truck. I’m happy and anticipating the great weekend ahead. Life is good.

BAM!

I get thrown forward toward my windshield. But the seatbelt locks, stopping my forward momentum against my collar bone. I realize that while I was sitting in unmoving traffic, someone had managed to plow right into my safe bubble with a physical force that was alarming.

Now I’m much less than happy. Someone has dared to destroy my happy little inner world. I launch myself out of the truck to share my displeasure with the driver behind me, only to watch in horror as the airbag in the car behind THAT went off with a bang, quickly removing someone’s face from that windshield.

I’m a little stunned, thinking “Wow, those things are supposed to deploy BEFORE someone hits the windshield.”

Calm descends over me. There are four people in the two cars behind me, and all of them are injured.

I don’t even think about myself, I mean, I’m walking, my face did not hit the windshield, and these people need help.

I calmly call the police, give them my location, tell them that four people are pretty badly injured, and respond that no, I think I’m ok. I will not need an ambulance, but the other people do.

Picture this: I’m covered in red paint. My hair is soaking wet, my clothes are soaking wet (and I have no bra on, which is more than a little embarrassing). The police automatically assume that I am covered in blood and are incredulous when I say I don’t need an ambulance. They don’t believe me at all.

As the ambulances are taking the injured people away, I describe the incident to the police. Forty five minutes have passed. And now I’m not feeling so good. My collar bone has been dislocated from where the seatbelt locked against it. I have an excruciating headache which I chalk up to heat and stress.

I inform the policeman that I’m going to stop by the ER so they can put my collarbone back in place. I (living in my little world of denial) drive myself to the hospital, my useless left arm dangling at my side.

While waiting at the hospital, I met Earl’s family. Earl was 90 years old and did not notice that traffic was stopped at a light when he barreled around a corner and smacked into the car behind me, which sent that car rocketing into my truck.

Imagine my surprise when, three hours later, I am informed that I’ve broken my neck and that is the cause of the really bad headache.

The Fixed Mindset

Eighteen months had passed. I had not been able to do my work as a contractor or wildlife garden landscaper. I had also not received any pay during this time, and our household finances were stretched to the end. All of my credit cards were maxed, mostly from medical co-pays.

My full-time job had turned into an endless string of doctors visits. I’ve lived with greater occipital nerve damage which feels like the worst migraine I’ve ever had. I have this all day, every day. Kind of feels like there’s an icepick stuck in my eye.

I’ve been through spinal nerve blocks (9 of them, and this is a very terrifying process to go through), botox shots to kill the nerve, accupuncture, physical therapy, chiropractic, osteopathic manipulation, and more. I can’t even remember all of them….

I’ve tried all the drugs and happily submitted myself to every new suggested treatment.

Then came the day I went on strike from doctors.

That was the day they told me that I had reached “maximum medical improvement” and there was nothing else they could do. I would not regain full use of my arms. I would just have to keep taking their drugs to control the headaches.

It’s over. Just accept it. Apply for Social Security Disability, collect my checks, and enjoy the soap operas.

My doctors had a fixed mindset. They had done all they knew how to do. And nothing else was going to change. So that was it. Or was it?

Stretching Beyond the Possible

Carol Dweck gives several wonderful example of stretching beyond the possible in Mindset, but I am really struck by this quote:

If you only go through life doing stuff that’s easy, then shame on you

I was not willing to accept a life of sitting at home watching soap operas. I took myself off of all of the painkillers. I cancelled all further doctor appointments. And I threw myself wholeheartedly into finishing grad school, in which I had enrolled two weeks after the accident.

No, it wasn’t easy. But I had a goal and I wanted more than anything to reach it. I began to use voice recognition software so that I could still work on my thesis even when my arms refused to cooperate on my keyboard.

I developed lots of strategies for acknowledging the pain but working anyway.

And in June of 2009 I received my degree.

The Growth Mindset

The growth mindset is about moving forward, learning from each experience and using that knowledge to grow more knowledge/skill/success.

The growth mindset is not afraid to fail, but always eager to learn new approaches that will move the ball forward. It is not afraid of challenges, but welcomes them.

I recognize that I was not reaching my full potential by putting all of my efforts into a business that could only be as successful as the number of available work hours in the day, and was totally dependent on my physical ability to do that work.

And when that physical ability was taken away from me I had a choice. I could choose to accept the finality of the doctors fixed mindset. Or I could choose to embrace a growth mindset, even though I didn’t (and still don’t) know where that journey will end up.

And that’s ok. I’m enjoying the ride.

The Writer’s Mindset

I know that this is a really extreme example. But it’s my personal journey, and can be used to illustrate other points.

As writers, we all have times when we feel that the well is dry, there’s no new ideas and we should just give up (fixed mindset).

Or we can keep writing, knowing that as we do, new ideas will emerge (growth mindset). It’s about the journey.

Tagged as: Carol Dweck, fixed mindset, growth mindset, mindset